In loving memory of Atticus

I have no doubt that Atticus felt very loved, curling up in front of the fire every winter, all his various soft beds and other places to sleep, plenty of food, humans that cared for him. Atticus was the best cat I could ever want, he was always very comforting, his soft fur, gentle purring and reassuring eyes, all things I will very much miss.

Atticus had this life for 9 years and 2 months.

However, Atticus' health started to degrade. He stopped asking for food, he stayed in his bed all day, he got very dehydrated at one point and I had to syringe feed him water. He was running out of time, and it hurt really hard. He was clearly having trouble breathing and his heart was unable to pump oxygen throughout his body well.

Furthermore, due to blood clots, Atticus was losing function in his back legs he would never recover, meaning he couldn't walk properly, he couldn't go to the toilet, he couldn't do normal things.

It really pains me to write this, it really pains me just to think about it, I hate going back to thinking about Atticus being like this. He wasn't himself, we hoped for the best, we did everything we could to keep Atticus strong and alive, hoping he would recover. Sadly, Atticus' health only decayed further.

The night before the fateful day, I slept next to Atticus' bed in front of the fire place, making sure he was ok, making sure he could get to his food. I gave him some water and reassured him everything was going to be ok. 

The next morning I woke up to Atticus eating some food, but to my absolute, I don't even know how to describe this, it's like shocked angry sad dissapointment, Atticus did not regain functionality in his back legs.

The vet came over at 8am for euthanisation, it was inevitable, I was in complete denial, I knew it was the only humane thing to do, but how could this be happening I thought to myself, I hated every moment of it, but I kept Atticus calm, and held his paw the whole way across the rainbow bridge. And then it was over, Atticus was out of his pain, out of his misery, enjoying a new life in heaven.

All I could do was cry, petting his lifeless body, his paw pads turning blue as the oxygen left his body made me even sadder. 

I'm not going to go into detail on what happened next, I'm still processing this. Atticus was a very much loved member of my family, his life cut short by an incurable heart disease. Even if we treated his back legs, there's still a chance of it happening again as he has an underlying heart problem. This was the best thing we could do for Atticus.

He was so brave during all of this. He never cried out in pain, yet I knew how much he was in. I'm so happy he is living a better life now, but now I'm feeling the pain of losing my best friend.